Listen Up!
Click the player below if you would rather listen to the post. A download is available at the bottom of this post if you would rather listen to it in our car, while on a walk or heck even lying in bed.Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
First, how the heck are you? How did your week go? If you had to rate it out of 10, what would you give yourself and why? What did you learn that will be of great value to you moving forward?
So I’m going to start a little differently today. There are actually 3 parts to this post. Part 1 will talk about the new set up for each post and the additional content I will be providing to drastically enhance your shift moving forward. Part 2 will be the actual lesson. Part 3 will be your assignment. Enjoy!!
Part 1: From blog post to lesson
You will notice that the title of this post has the word “lesson” in it. That is intentional. I’m a teacher at heart and have committed myself to helping people Make Shift Happen in their own lives. As such, I am structuring my posts as lessons.
What does that mean exactly? Well for the next 10 posts I am going to test out a new idea. [This is me using the Hierarchy of Change. I'm experimenting (Level 3) with a new idea to turn my blog/website into a highly optimized teaching vehicle. I am going to test out a hypothesis around this and 10 posts will give me sufficient data to make some informed decisions moving forward.)
The new idea is to make the material more interactive and to flesh it out further. Why should a perfectly brilliant (am I being too liberal with my adjectives) blog post stop at the post itself? So here is what the new posts will look like.
At the bottom of each there will be links for...
- a PDF version of the post [will be available the same night as the post]
My suggestion for people is to print the posts off and store them in a binder. Think of it like a book that will be released 1 lesson at a time (my grander vision is to commit to 100 lessons). By printing it off each week, you can then practice more effective learning techniques that include highlighting key points that are relevant to you and your journey, recording ideas in the margins etc.
- an audio version of the post [will be available the day after a post]
I am going to offer this for three reasons. First, we all have a preferred method of learning (the theory of multiple intelligence has identified 9 learning styles). For some, learning is solidified when they can hear the words and the emotion attached to those words so I want to make that option available.
Second, I want to allow people to access material however they want. Audio allows people the option to download it and listen to it on their way to work, in the car or while they are going for a walk.
Third, writing does not communicate my emotion or my passion for the subject matter. Reading Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech is not nearly the same as listening to the man. I am not saying I am Martin Luther King, but I will bring my own sense of style and humor to this.
[Warning: my audio is going to be real and raw. That means mistakes will not be edited out and if I want to expand on something beyond the written word then I will most certainly do that. Hell it's my audio baby. We are doing it Deano style.]
- video [will be available 4 days after the post]
I personally love video and quite frankly I am most effective when people can see me because a great deal of my message comes from how I use my entire body (and they can see the goofy facial expressions I make). That said, video has limits. To get around those limits I am going to be producing video that is only 2 to 3 minutes long and I will be focusing on one key aspect from the post or from the comments.
- podcast [will be available 4 days after the post]
Podcast doesn’t adequately capture what I want to do so let me riff on it a bit more. What I really plan on doing is a talk based on the post. But I want to emphasize this is a TALK! It’s not a reading. I will be expanding on points in the post, I will be addressing questions that are are left in the comments (so if you have a question or something to add to the post be sure to do so in the comment section) and at times I might bring in a co-host as well. Co-hosts could be anyone. They could be fellow bloggers, but they just as easily could be thoughtful commenters who would really add to the material I have presented.
Through this process I would encourage you to give feedback on what you like and don’t like. If something comes up enough (positive or negative) then it is something I will be acting on.
OK on to today’s lesson.
Part 2: Four steps to developing willpower
Willpower is a concept that is extremely misunderstood and one that is poorly taught to those who badly need it.
Part of the problem is we associate the wrong verb with it. I can’t tell you how many “experts” talk about willpower and use the verb “have” preceding it.
If you want to lose weight, then you have to have the willpower to avoid junk food.
The above example is probably one of the dumbest things I hear people say when they are giving advice to those who are looking to get their eating under control. And it’s dumb for two reasons.
First, they are stating the obvious. Of course they need willpower. Anyone who struggles with their eating knows they need willpower.
The second reason it is dumb is because it is not advice that someone can act on. It’s what I call unactionable advice. It sounds like you are giving great advice, when in fact you are saying absolutely nothing that will help people change their behavior.
Giving actionable advice…
So how do you help change their behavior? By first helping them change their vocabulary around the subject.
Empowering someone to improve their willpower starts by giving them the appropriate vocabulary to use. No longer would you tell someone they have to HAVE willpower. Instead you would tell them they must LEARN HOW TO BUILD it.
When you use the word learn, it implies that willpower can be taught. And if it can be taught, then it means there are key principles around it that can be dispensed so the skill can be honed.
Which of course leads to the million dollar question.
What are the components that comprise this thing we call willpower?
Willpower Deconstructed…
I believe there are 4 main components to willpower. I refer to it as the decide.plan.act.audit system.
Let’s start by first briefly explaining the key elements of each.
- Decide in advance
This is actually a chapter in my book (you can order it HERE or HERE) and quite frankly one of the most powerful concepts I have come across with regards to creating change.
The essence behind decide in advance is that the fatal flaw most people make is they assume willpower is some magical element that simply happens in those crucial MOMENTS THAT MATTER. But the reality is, people who exercise extraordinary willpower don’t show up cold to any situation and hope magic will happen.
On the contrary, they decide beforehand how they are planning to act. It could be for an event where they will encounter foods they know they should not eat. But this is not limited to diet. Starbucks uses something similar to teach it’s employees how to deal with angry customers by role playing scenarios. Parents can use this strategy to exhibit more patience with their children. Spouses can use this model to act move loving (I’m no relationship expert, but I believe love can be fostered by acting more loving.) Individuals can use it to deal with criticism [from angry blog commenters 
]
This application has no boundaries. Be sure to watch the video in #4.
- Plan the outcome
Once you decide on the outcome, then a plan must be put into place. The essential element here is to anticipate and figure out how to deal with HOTSPOTS.
Hotspots are potential landmines we will encounter that may trip us up. These can include people, social situations, activities or food. Brainstorm as many possible hotspot scenarios as you can and then for each visualize how you plan on dealing with them.
Some people might scoff at the idea of visualization, but if elite athletes (One of the greatest Olympic athletes ever, Michael Phelps, uses it) use this technique to ensure they get the results they want then it stands to reason that those with elite willpower use this skill quite effectively as well.
- Act with intention
Commit to your decided outcome! Once you arrive, put your plan into action and you do everything you can to stick to it. It might mean having a note in your pocket that you refer to when you feel your resolve caving. It might be a mantra. Whatever it is, you are not going down without a fight.
- Audit the results
The ability to build your willpower comes from analyzing both your successes and your not so successful outcomes. If things went according to plan, ask why? What did you do that worked? What were you thinking? Did you do something unexpected that kicked ass? What strategy was super effective. If things didn’t turn out as expected, then what went wrong? What hotspots did you not foresee? What strategy will you use to deal with these more effectively next time?
Part 3: Your Assignment
Change does NOT happen by reading alone. If that was the case, then almost everyone on the freaking planet would have solved all the problems they have.
Simply reading a blog post falls into the research category on my Hierarchy of change [level 2]. If you have not read Lesson #1 yet, I would suggest you do so by clicking —> HERE.
If change is going to happen, then you need to spend the bulk of your time in level 3 which is the EXPERIMENTER stage. The experimenter stage is crucial because that is where we begin to take ownership of the ideas we read about. OWNERSHIP is vital to this process.
Tools and Tasks…
Your tools…
 |
 |
 |
 |
Your tasks…
1. Print off the article and read it a second time. Click —>HERE to download the PDF. This time highlight or underline those parts that mean the most to you. More importantly, write notes in the margins of things that come to mind. These can be questions, ideas or things you would like to explore further.
Below is an example of what I do in every stinkin’ book I read (well except library books and ones I borrow.) Click to enlarge the image.
2. On a blank sheet of paper, create a massive list of situations where you feel the lack of willpower is getting the better of you. Don’t limit this to your health. Think about your various relationships where you react in ways in you don’t like. Think about situations with the work you do. Think about self-defeating thought patterns that you tend to run. Think about your reactions to criticism.
Once you have a your list PICK ONLY ONE to test this idea on. BUT pick the one that you feel is the most manageable to tackle first. A lot of this journey is built on confidence, but that too has to be built, so don’t tackle something that you are just not yet ready to tackle.
With the one you picked, create a list and go through each of the elements.
- Decide in advance
- Plan the outcome
- Act with intention
- Audit the results
AND WRITE DOWN YOUR ANSWERS for each. Writing is much more effective than simply thinking about something. Writing clarifies your thinking in a way that thinking doesn’t.
3. Part of making my podcast effective will include answering some of the questions people have, clarifying some of the ideas that need to be clarified and sharing additional points that people who are far smarter than me will share. I encourage you to leave a question, point out possible extensions of this idea or share stories of where you have successfully implemented these ideas in your life. All of these will be things I will look to incorporate into my podcast.
The podcast will happen on Monday so only comments that are included between now and then can be used.
4. Watch this TED talk by Sasha Dichter called The Generosity Experiment. Dichter talks about how he used the concept of Decide in Advance to become more generous. It’s extremely inspiring, and it reinforces the notion the concepts I am teaching can be applied anywhere.
OK I think it’s time for us to go make shift happen,
DD
Sign up for the Make shift happen newsletter
Get the latest insights on how to make 
happen in your life.
Hi Dean, I’ve got my binder, spiral notebook, favorite pen and hi lighters! I’m trying to get a group of friends together to read your book as a book club. This will help us work out the details together and offer each other support and encouragement along the way. Thanks for all you do Dean
Your very welcome Chriss. Always appreciate anyone who takes the time to thank me!!
I have been following this blog for several months and just ordered the book from Amazon. Can’t wait for it to arrive. Your post on creating extraordinary transformation got me hooked. Keep up the good work!
That’s great to hear Jeff (that you are hooked). Just so you know there is no cure for that
Enjoy the book!!
Dean, I like the direction this blog is moving in. I can’t wait for the audio. I think things sink deeper in me when I see and hear them.
Thanks.
Great Fernando. I just did the audio for this post. Took a few hours to figure out…up next how I host it! Will put something up regardless by tomorrow until I get a more permanent solution.
This is great! For podcast I’m always interested in discussion about the never-ending battle we all fight against the hotspots that can lead to relapse:
1. What were the most difficult hotspots you encountered along your transformative journey and how did you overcome them?
2. What are your current hotspots and how do you deal with these now in the maintenance phase?
Great questions Paula. I will certainly address those in my podcast. Thanks for sharing and asking!!
Wow, that post from Sasha with the Acumen fund was worth listening to. It very much shows that we go through most of lives just running on autopilot, doing the things we were taught as children, or just gradually learned over our lifespan, and not realizing that there is even a choice out there. Like, you can give money to a beggar you don’t know from Adam.
Yeah I love that talk. It inspired the chapter in my book by the same name.
My week was a solid 9. I’m moving into a different stage of my life and there is some confidence-building I need to do, but for the most part, I kicked this week’s hiney all the way into next week.
I believe that telling someone WHAT to do induces guilt, but giving them steps to take (the HOW) induces change. The willpower thing always angered me. Yes, I know I have to HAVE willpower. But unless it’s wrapped up in a gift box hiding somewhere that I have yet to discover, I know I don’t HAVE it yet.
Deciding in advance is the crucial step for me. If I’ve scheduled the week’s meals (I cook three meals a day for a family of 8 persons with differing allergies and dietary requirements) I can generally help my family avoid bad choices like grabbing a burger on the way home from this activity or that. But it does require that advance work. The rest of the steps just fall into place for me once that step is done.
Another way we use your four steps is in our weekly family meetings. Yes, we actually sit down at the table once a week and write everyone’s schedules in our planners. Having four employed but non-driving teens in the house means I’ve got to know who needs to be where when and how that affects all the other duties and requirements of my life. Part of our meeting includes an audit of last week’s schedule. What did we mess up? Was someone late for work because they didn’t pack their lunch the night before or get their uniform in the dryer early enough? What worked particularly well? What challenges can we attack this week using last week’s victories?
wow peggy that’s pretty darn impressive that you have a weekly family meeting. I LOVE it. Talk about hitting all four of those steps!! brilliant. Will have to see how I can work that into the podcast. Thanks so much for sharing. They should call you the octopus…being able to manage a 8 people is pretty darn impressive.
I was always kind of disappointed that I didn’t grow an extra arm for each additional kid after 2. And SUPER bummed when child #6 was born and the Brady Bunch’s Alice didn’t magically appear on my doorstep.
hey careful Peggy! I have to be the funniest person on this blog…clearly you were unaware of that…you have been warned…don’t let it happen again ha ha!
Hello Dean! I am seriously in awe of you! Just when I think you are great, you go and do something that makes you even better than great! I feel so privileged to be under your tutelage! Looking so forward to making more shifts happen! Thank you again for all the time you put into trying to help others by sharing your wisdom.
Hey are you buttering me up. If is it is working!!
Hi Dean, thanks for all your hard work and I am looking forward the series of lessons.
I’m in maintenance now after losing 98ish pounds, but am finding it more difficult than losing the weight. I have developed a cheese habit, which is proving hard to kick (emotional eating after losing my Father?)I know I shouldn’t eat so much cheese as it causes me to gain weight, but the gremlin on my shoulder tells me “its okay you don’t need to lose any more…. go on eat it”. Then I get the feeling of frustration as I stand on the scales looking at the gain. I’m good for a few days, lose the gain, but then relapse again. So I’m hoping you can help me develop the willpower to say no at the right time!
Actually Lin I can’t help you develop willpower I can only show you how it can be developed.
And with regards to your current struggle…your right…losing is easy because stuff is happening…maintenance is hard because well we are simply maintaining.
It sounds like you already know cheese makes you fat (all diary makes me fat). Perhaps you need to dig deeper as to the underlying issues of why you are craving to begin with and see if you can replace cheese with another suitable option.
Let me know how this goes. Would be curious to hear your solution.
For some reason I’ve been so hungry recently too.(Blaming the cold miserable weather here in the UK) I was snacking on nuts and dark chocolate, but weaned myself off those by not buying them. The cheese is more difficult as its in the house for the non primal teens. Maybe I’m lacking something in my diet. I shall try upping my protein for a few days and see what happens, that and taping a big ‘No Cheese’ sign to the fridge!
P.S. On reading my posts above (proving that writing things down does help make things clearer) it shows twice I have blamed external forces for my problem when in reality only I can transfer food into my mouth, so really I’m to blame. Its given me food for thought.
Is there a PDF version for the first post? Need that for my binder!
There will be later tonight.
Dean I think you’re fantastic!!! Your advice is so spot- on. I’ve been in the fitness business for 25 years, I’m getting my nutritional license from NTA right now. BUT, the only thing that actually creates change is YOUR MIND!! Thanks for all the great advice, I’m totally passing it on:) Will the podcast be a seperate tab, and when will you have that ready? Looking forward to it-
Hey debbie just to let you know you can never go wrong telling me I am fantastic
With regards to the podcast, I am still working out how to set the darn thing up (I think I now have the solution). There will be a few ways to access the podcast. I will have a tab (thanks for that suggestion). I will also link it back to this post (there will be an icon for people to click) and people can subsribe and listen via iTunes. Will be ready tomorrow if all goes according to plan.
Dean,
Might you issue Lesson 1 as a .pdf? It doesn’t print well from the website and I’d like to have the complete set!
Last week went well — I am venturing into the experimentation stage having lost and regained the same 10 lbs. probably 20 or so times in my adult life. Currently I’m maintaining carbs below 50 grams/day (protein around 70g, fat over 100g) in an effort to get into ketosis and burn some fat. If I can do that, I then plan to gradually increase my daily carb count until I don’t lose any more weight. I’ve never actually tracked carbs before. As an fyi, I’m postmenopausal so weight loss is a serious challenge! I have your book and it really opened my eyes — great work!
Thanks Debbie. Two things. There will be a pdf for #1 later tonight.
Start with your current hypothesis (carbs) but keep in mind that there are other issues outside of food we eat that contribute to how we look. This is a combo of many problems that we need to be on the look out for.
You hit it out of the park on this one again, Dean. Love all the media options.
You are absolutely correct in saying that the building of this willpower only comes from analyzing successes and failures. I noticed that you didn’t necessarily call it “failures”… not sure if that was intentional or not, but nice touch. Gotta stay positive! When referring to my Type-A self, I will use the term “failures”.
Those who know me, know that my struggles with food are two-fold:
1) I am an emotional eater. (of Italian descent)
2) I crave sugar/carbs/crap when I am tired at the end of the day.
I also know (as I continue to work with busy, tired moms), that I am not alone in these struggles. By the time 8:00 p.m. rolls around, you are so exhausted from the events of the day, that any shred of willpower goes out the window… that is, unless you are PREPARED and have had the opportunity to put in to PRACTICE some strategies to build it up.
Unfortunately, my day does not end after dinner. There is still more homework, activities, cello practice, baths, bedtime routines, lunches to pack, laundry to fold, etc. Just when I want to crash on the couch, I have to find a second wind. What happens when I have not DECIDED IN ADVANCE to avoid the false sources of energy (i.e. food… whether crappy or not) is that I reach for anything to give me a boost.
OK… So now I have to PLAN THE OUTCOME. What is my HOTSPOT?? Packing lunches makes it pretty easy to get into the stash of pistachios or dark chocolate… real, whole foods that I often put in my kids’ lunches – that also happen to be trigger foods for me. I can’t say that I’ve visualized myself not tearing in to these foods, but I do give myself a pep talk. I might have to try visualizing as well.
Here is the kicker… ACTING WITH INTENTION. This is the key to my success! This does not have to be complicated. In fact, my plan of attack gives me 100% success rate, and it’s certainly not rocket science. Ready for this?? I brush my teeth right after dinner. Yup… I get up from the dinner table, walk right down the hallway into the bathroom, floss, brush, and rinse. Sounds simple, HOWEVER, if I do not DECIDE IN ADVANCE and PLAN THE OUTCOME, then this step does not happen. Fatigue/emotions win the battle… and the war.
Good stuff, DD. Thank you for heightening my awareness and putting what I know already works for me into a nice, concise, well-layed-out strategy! Looking forward to the next one.
I just finished your book in one sitting (literally) – great stuff and very inspiring. Now I have found this blog – great as well! Just one thing… maybe, possibly, could you change your RSS feed settings to a full feed? I read blogs preferably on a mobile device which is synced via the home wifi, and a shortened feed with just a teaser totally defeats the idea of RSS in the first place = makes it useless for me. Thanks.
Hi Dean! Thanks for the great stuff you are putting out there. I recently stumbled upon your podcast and subscribed to it to try it out. Since I live 5 minutes from home it was hard for me to listen to it on the way to work because I’d never drive long enough to listen to a whole broadcast! Yesterday I was sitting at home and just not wanting to do a dang thing. It has been raining and flooding here in Houston these last week and I used it as a reason to not have to do my normal cardio outside. But I went walking and while I was putting on my usual Spotify playlist I remembered your podcasts and thought I’d listen to you instead. I went back to your first podcast because I had listened to the last couple you did and subscribed to the voicemail program and thought I’d go back to the beginning. It was perfect what I heard (isn’t that always the case?!)
I appreciate the plan you’ve outlined here. Deciding in advance that I was going to be healthy was so great to hear. I’ve recently lost 30 pounds (can you believe it?!) and I had forgotten that I’d already decided in advance! But listening to you I remembered my decision and I re-promised. I’ve felt sort of lonely being on this path to losing weight and eating well. Not a lot of people in my life can relate to what I’m dealing with…and my changing the way I look has been disconcerting to some of them. So I appreciate the way you are looking at this and for sharing so awesomely. I laughed when your voice would go higher or when you commented about Americans not knowing what you were talking about. But then I heard you say about as “aboot” and laughed it all off. You are magical. Thanks for your hard work. It’s making something possible over here with me and with tons of others!
Thanks!
Harold